I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
