yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
