Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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