Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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