My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pants are for mortals
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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