Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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