allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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