ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i believe in u and ur pee
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
