It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
