Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
kristin has been a bad kristin
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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