he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
