Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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