I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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