tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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