We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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