Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
