Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
