Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
