is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
