I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
