dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
too bad you live with your parents still
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
