I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
