FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
