Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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