Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
