i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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