My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
