u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
True college students do jello shots in the library
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