Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
