I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
