I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish you could order shots online.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
