new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just cut my nipple shaving
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
