Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
