I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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