ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
