we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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