Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize