thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He has the fingertips of a God
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
