Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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