saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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