Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
