so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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