grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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