This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
