I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
