My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my poor anus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
