yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
