either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
