I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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