I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
