I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
