In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize