just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
