i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
