So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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