they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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