When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
