Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
