I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
