your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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