ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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