His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
