I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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