I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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