He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
