Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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