I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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