I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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