i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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