This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I could fuck to npr.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
