Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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