I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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